Psychological Journal on Alter Ego

 My Psychological mind at a young age was timid, kind,reserved and nice. This is what I would identify as original self! 

As You get older things begin to change. People often develop an alter ego.

My first alter ego came from Arnold Schwarzenegger's "Terminator." I learned violence at a young age watching this movie with my Dad that eventually became a favorite. I was naturally curious about psych wards and police and world stuff and it taught me to observe the world. I wanted to understand what it was like to be a "Sarah Conner." 

I grew a little more and became accustomed to life and then I had a relative who lost his Dad to suicide and I wanted to understand what was going on in his mind basically because I didn't want it to happen to my family or the rest of us.

I got enrolled in a lot of things at a young age and they sent me through programs. Not only was I forced to learn about family settings because of what the world exposed to me but once again I was naturally curious and loved to learn.

I entered psych wards at a young age while I was still juvenile to learn about the human mind and why people think what they do. They taught me the basics. Like, You Dont commit suicide or homicide and you don't break the law. You choose longevity and life attaining and maintaining behaviors.

As I got older I had problems with my neighbors and I was re-enrolled in a program that helped the mental health clinic make money for its building through the therapy they requested of me. So I humbly agreed and I would request to focus on correct behaviors and my doctor would analyze me as I explained that I needed to practice identifying correct behaviors because I kind of had a messy situation with my neighbors. I requested help on this topic and practiced the correct behaviors to understand how to help myself conquer the bad thoughts I was having as a result of harassment from kids and people who were terribly envious of me. Little did I find out later that it wouldn't of mattered anyway because of what they thought they were going to do. They actually wanted to unalive me and all of them would try several times after stealing from me and treating me very dishonorably for a young woman. As I was growing with these problems from a young age I noticed I needed to channel my anger into something either productive or creative to help cope and grow and heal so I decided to accentuate my tastes and intensity and I ended up developing my alter ego accidentally and unbeknownst to what I was doing. I would often fight in bed in my sleep and I would have to learn to control my thoughts and rehabilitate my body on my own because it happened repetitiously enough that it wouldn't pay to go.

Eventually I loved things about Police like Negotiation and Hostage Snipers where you would shoot the aggressor in the head and save the hostage. I started to aggressively pursue Heroic actions because I liked the feeling of stoicism. It grew so far that I started fantasize about killing the evil in the world because I decided that the evil was the problem. I learned after several disrespectful arguments that people weren't about to change unless they really wanted to and that most actions were quite deceitful with murderous intentions. I learned there was nothing I could do in these situations but pray for my enemies and ask God to create the Justice in my favor in my prayers.

I eventually did this but my alter ego got so strong it began to like things like killing evil literally and I realized my mental strength was too strong and intense and that I had to stop myself. Luckily, I thought it out quite a few times arguing the good side of things but wanting Justice so bad that I was willing to kill to equal out the good in the world over the evil. I kept drawing the "incorrect" conclusion that evil people had to die in order for the world to be good again. I thought out different theories and watched people in their conspiracies and concluded once again how evil it was. I had a good biblical friend and she recently talked about crucifixion of the flesh. I realized that I had to do this because my Heroic intentions had driven my so far that my alter ego was telling me that evil people had to leave the world so that the innocent could be good again.

 Recently I have seen the war in Gaza and realized how true and wise my "Biblical" friends words were. I also realized that the therapist was correct about some things too and that she helped me to identify them. That is what I asked for help with. I realized because of these two things that my alter ego needed to be limited and i needed to crucify my flesh so I didn't participate in retaliating against people who sinned against me by stealing and destructing and sabotaging my life.

These people. My neighbors didn't regularly go to doctors, were really unhealthy, did drugs and chose poor decisions in family life. After a while I realized that they did decide to kill me for what little I had and that their heart was actually wicked. I also learned my stalker had aggression from working cutting down trees and that it was the same type of aggression I had after exercising too much! This was where it started making sense for me. Guys in their aggressive phases accidentally kill girls all the time. Purposely but unintentionally with a feeling of aggression from work, ptsd, exercise and different things like a bad family life and jealousy. Once I started recognizing these things I realized it was just a low IQ pining in confusion for answers. Not Only that but that these experiences I had growing up didn't match theirs at all and they learned criminal like tendencies and had been fooled and that they were going to be habits hard to break like through the Biblical things of God.

I had backgrounds of Police and Biblical and School While They Chose No School And criminality which made us adversaries.

Well I Overcame my alter ego today and finally conquered it. Although I was trying to one of my hobbies I sat there and thought about how I could get hurt if I gave into my love for legal sniping and that if I didn't have permission not only am i looking at being jailbait but that I also could lose my eternal life with God and then it met with crucifixion of the flesh. If Gaza did that today I would bet they would be alive!

I finally conquered all the feelings while choosing not to let the bad things or people into my life again due to the sabotage. It was beautiful 😍 ❤️ I finally made it. While wondering one day if they would too. And then I was glad that i never hurt or killed anyone even to protect myself because I realized how golden the Bible really was!

I pray that people use God to rectify their situations because even though violence is a venture it is not the correct behavior. And then I finally understood my young wisdom I was given.  So beautiful to know that God really is in control and that most things have to be conquered with correct behaviors!!!

I realize now that there is hope for people who get stalked, harassed, bullied and robbed. Its a very disgraceful and disturbing thing but that people who use drugs and who haven't healed and are unhealed like that just haven't reached their full potential yet to understand that their actions are wrong. Usually its associated with people of a low IQ who don't understand rule of law or wisdom . Usually because of the habits they also being uneducated make poor choices and sometimes you have to conquer them and basically show them that you are not going to tolerate it. That its just another phase of life and "that this too shall pass." 

My Alter Ego did and boy now that I am stuck with the knowledge pruned am I blessed to fully understand.